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To Laugh or Cry:
How to Handle the Heave-Ho

By Carol Sachowski

Kyle loved his job. He had worked for a large automotive company since college and his family was proud that he had become so successful. Kyle made senior level deals worth millions of dollars and his position commanded attention. People made themselves available to him. He exchanged these rewards with loyalty to the company. Until the company decided it did not want him any longer.

Problem was, the company didn't actually tell him that his time there was over, They simply put the word out that he was no longer there. His phone calls were not returned, no one came to his meetings, his secretary started working for someone else. Three weeks went by before Kyle realized what had happened. That was the day his replacement showed up at his door.

Talking with Kyle now, he chuckles to himself as he relives those hard memories, and says that it's the price of big business. "I was so green then that I didn't even know when they were kicking me out. I was supposed to go to human resources about that? What was our resident employee assistance program (EAP) person going to do for me? I knew I was on my own.

But after the burn wore off, I realized that while I was there I had made some good money and learned firsthand that it's not personal. It won't happen again."

Kyle's moment of enlightenment came when he realized that the decision wasn't a reflection of his capabilities or competencies. It was a reflection of the culture of the company and the industry. He then understood that it was time to move on, one way or another.

The reality is at some point in all our lives, someone will not want us around. US talk show anchor Joan Lunden, known in part for her rather public ousting from the Today Show, speaks about one's need for humility, courage and personal strength of character throughout a life's journey in her book A Bend in the Road is Not the End of the Road.

Adella is an executive with a provincial government who's been seconded from her permanent job to work on partnerships with the province at the federal level. She loves her new job and believes strongly in the value of the work her team is doing. Despite all the tangible successes the team has achieved, the government then decided to reduce the department in size, scope and budget, rendering it nearly immobile. Adella, feeling defeated and frustrated, is scheduled to return to her old job, which she hasn't been in for four years. She will also be bumping out her replacement, who has come to love her job.

To many, what doesn't feel fair, probably isn't if they are looking at the situation from an objective, rational perspective. Adella's situation is unfortunately out of her hands and her employer's decision may be fodder for yet another government service oxymoron stereotype. As Adella struggles to make sense of the direction, trying desperately to find reason in the action, she finds a strange kind of comfort in knowing sometimes there just isn't any available.

A consultant in Victoria by the name of Hugh Chamberlain once said "the power and politics of a company shouldn't take precedence over the power of sweet reason". When that happens, we're best to accept what we have control over and respect what we don't. The decision made by others, sound or otherwise, does not negate valuable work accomplished. Adella maintained that belief as she said good-bye to those she had come to regard as family.

Simply taking control of moving on and opening up to unknown opportunities can often be the remedy, occasionally leading to unexpected gifts along the way. In his enlightening book The Alchemist , Paulo Coelho describes the lone journey of a young shepherd boy on his path to the pyramids. Along his way he encounters many who assist, in one way or another, in his journey of self.

I too have been touched by the hand of impersonal dismissal. Years ago I worked in the human resource area within a government body that was giddy with reducing its full time employee (FTE) base in record-breaking time. I found myself in the unique position of offering support to others while I too packed up my office.

Even now I remember the stillness of the air in the corridors, people huddled together in groups, whispering amongst themselves, trying to be invisible to the decision makers, who were themselves on tender hooks. Nor can I forget hearing about which ministries next would lose hundreds of jobs before staff were notified. It was not pleasant then. It is not pleasant now.

But for me, rather than buying into defeat, I accepted what we could not alter. From the safety of my office - for as long as I still had it - I offered to others, both leaving and staying, a place to meet, vent, cry and ironically enough, to laugh and rebuild. It became a place of refuge, of celebration, of grieving and making life decisions. And it became home to some of the best jokes regarding dysfunctional workplaces (many I cannot repeat). It was as necessary for my personal well being as it was for staff.

Recalling that experience now I remember that the humour displayed was much like that of nervous laughter at a funeral. Sometimes you just don't know how to express your sadness or sorrow, for yourself, for others, or for what was. Sometimes you just have to laugh in order not to cry, in order to move on. And sometimes you need to reflect on the world around you to put your situation into a larger context.

Allowing people to release during the day among others similarly affected permitted them to go home to their families and work through planning the first scary phase of re-establishing themselves. It allowed them to breath, to understand they were not alone and to look forward with hope.

In his book Transitions , motivation guru William Bridges speaks to those traditional life cycle changes that occur every ten years that many find themselves moving through. Starting in one's twenties it becomes obvious to the reader that we are all in a constant state of movement of one kind or another. Whether of our own doing or not, it is a normal part of life. For me, this book was invaluable during my journey from Ontario to British Columbia.

The human condition can be truly beautiful in its ability to push on through those matters that are most hard on the heart. The truth is, human beings are resilient. And quirky. Providing our basic needs are met - safety, shelter and food- humour can offer an internal support mechanism that kicks in when we feel most kicked. It is a blessing in gentle intention and a strong antidote in its ability to fight unhealthy situations.

It must be, given the hundreds of Web sites dedicated to humour in the workplace that offer an endless lists of quips, jokes, stories and general goofiness.

For many, optimism prevails and new life is found just beyond letting go of the past. For others however, the past remains present and the experience is utter despair. Feelings of isolation, absolute fear and plummeting self-worth are all-consuming. In this case, the individuals are advised to seek the steady arm of professional and/or financial counseling. The Courage to Grieve, by Judy Tatelbaum, M.S.W. offers some personal accounts of these experiences.

Receiving compassion and respect, through ourselves first and then through others, is essential before we will accept that we have options that can assist us in moving through adversity and into a better way of life. It is not easy; it is emotional weariness, physical exhaustion and spiritual questioning. And most of it can be overcome.

Whichever road we choose to walk in life, we have the capacity within us to persevere. It is up to us to determine what we need to get through it, whether it be through tears or laughter, or a combination of both. Personally, I opt for both.

Several websites of interest on humour in the workplace:

Other books of interest: